Monday, July 28, 2008

Why I Need a Stiff Drink, how I Always fall into Thorns, and how I Learned to Stop Worrying and Learn to Love the U-haul.

Ok. So I've been living in my friend's apartment while she's in Paris on the condition that I move her out before August 1st, since she'll still be abroad then. Fair enough, not a big deal at all.

I was under the impression that her dad was getting a moving truck for a few days so that I could load up everything and move it to the storage shed for them.

Since it would be several days, and since nobody in town was off at 10:00 this morning to give me a ride when I needed to go to U-haul, I decided to get up earlyish (early for me, anyway) and walk to the store. It's about a mile and a half, no biggie, right? I live on Teasley, and the U-haul store is on Ft. Worth. I would just walk up beside the access road to Ft. Worth and cut under the overpass and I'd be right there. I totally forgot that U-haul was halfway between Teasley and Ft. Worth Drive. I totally forgot about the train tracks that go under I-35.

I had to walk down the embankment and cross the train tracks and the right-of-way not once, but twice, because I am a dumbass. The second time the embankment was covered in thorny bracken. In some places you couldn't even see over the top, the thorns had grown so thick they made a hedge of pointy pain and vines.

I finally saw a path, with a complete clearing and I got about halfway up before I noticed that there was a tent. Not only one tent, but several tents made from bits of tarp and cardboard. I had found a homeless village by the railroad tracks. Maybe if I were Jack Kerouac I would have been more thrilled. However, I am not, nor have I ever been a beat poet and roustabout, so I turned around like any sensible girl would and tried to find a different way.

I found a somewhat promising path, and figured that with a few stomps here and there I'd come through relatively unscathed. Of course I tripped mid-stomp and ended up completely tangled up in thorns. I was about 20 yards away from hobo-ville so I was too afraid to even cry or curse loudly. (I wanted to do both!) I carefully picked myself up and got over the top without further incident, and behold! U-haul!

I went inside at exactly 9:55 AM, covered in dirt, scratches, leaves and burrs, probably looking homeless myself, and went to get my U-haul truck for the week. "Ok, have it back by 5:00 today," the helpful and oh-so-happy to see me clerk told me.


So I called the only two friends available today, and we moved my friend's dresser, entertainment center, sectional couch, two recliners, bed, mattress, and dining room chairs to the storage shed. Tetris was involved.

It's 6:42 now and I still haven't had anything to eat.

Fuck adventures. I need a stiff drink. I'm thinking Colt 45, or maybe Boonesfarm.


Bajonista said...

I'm actually feeling pretty great. I didn't cry or anything.

I just think it's a funny story that I will one day tell my kids, repeatedly, with many cries of "Mom! I've heard this one already. The word hobo isn't that funny!" that will fall on deaf ears.

Drew The Great said...

What have I told you about railroad RoWs? :P

Good Job! :)